back at it again...

I'm sitting here thinking "today may actually be the day". I a feel a sense of growth everyday [emotionally speaking] and today just might be the day when I meet the height requirement to move on.

No, I am not in a relationship.

I'd like to think that I was in a glass box. ..Box, because I felt stuck. ..Glass, because there was no way of hiding how I felt while in this mix. I will admit, I was CONFUSED as hell. For almost a yr and a half I've been seeking answers. Actions told me things that words weren't telling me. I couldn't understand that though. We'd talk about everything else and because the words were never spoken - I began to question the actions. ...Then I didn't know what to do because the actions were so DEEP. I would like to think that the things that were done - weren't done to all 'friends'. && I don't mean sexual things, just intimate things.

I love this person. && I find it odd that I can just come out and say that because I was never able to just come out and say something soo strong - with such ease. I wasn't able to do this until I realized I was hit w. the confusion stick. I questioned how he felt and never really took into acct whether or not he questioned how I felt. I knew I was showing love but just as I wanted the words I figured that he might as well. It was then that became the spokesperson for my heart. I told him and I told him and I showed him and I tried on numerous occassions to ignore him [itd last a while - but never forever] Ive been on missions to forget him, only to return back to the memories. I cried a few times, out of frustration, pain, for closure.

...I can't even get into this the way I want to. smh.

bottom line is - I am not a perfect individual and neither is he. Two negatives equal a positive. ..making him perfect for me. [that's who I want. ...but this push/pull ish that's transpiring - I can't do it. I feel like I've given alot for this fight. I've exposed my inner self more than ever and I don't get anything in return. I'd respect a douche a little more because he'd str8 say what it is. The only one who can protect my feelings is God so I'd like to be spared the bs. If it's gonna hurt, I'd rather hurt than to feel absolutely nothing. That's ridiculous. ...but I guess that's life.

..hence the movement.

-xoxo

Fashion File: Anja Rubik

July '08

..I think she's soo dope!

-xoxo

PoeticLee

Love is a battlefield
but I don't need an army, crew, or a squad behind me.

I'm in love w. our memories
yet I never want to see the day where you're forced to remember me
together we should be
forever
possibly 'til the end of me
the end of Lee [insert your last name here].


lol ...just saying.

-xoxo

randomLee speaking...

Lately I've been having this crazy pain in the back of my mouth. It feels as if my wisdom tooth is pushing out more, sort of looks that way as well, but bump all of that - when it's ready - It hurts like HELL.

When it first started, I didn't know what to do. I was delirious. I did the salt water rinse [blah], I did the milk gargle [blah], Aleve was trash and Advil pretty much saved my life. [Advil has ibuprofen - Aleve has some other profen lol and it was NOT working.]

Though the salt water rinse did a little something, I gave it up for Peroxyl [anticeptic] - It's great for cleaning the gums. At first I was using both the Peroxyl and the Advil until I decided to try my Tazo Ginger Tea. I only drank that because my throat felt a bit sore and that pain was gone INSTANTLY [sort of bugged me out]. After I drank the first cup, I noticed that I didn't feel anything back there anymore. [relieved and perplexed]

....The secret behind the tea. - I thought it was the warmth that my poor little tooth was loving, but apparently it was the ginger that went to work! Who knew that it was helpful in preventing antherosclerosis, heart attacks, strokes and apparently has pain relieving, sedative, fever reduction and antibacterial effects. [GET OUTAH TOWN!]

...SO! ..I'm drinking this stuff EVeryDay! [do put emphasis on the EV] because it also contains many antioxidants - and if you aren't aware...antioxidants are great for the heart and skin!

..k, bye now. :)

-xoxo

This was Yesterday...

The plan was to attend Havana Central, however that didn't quite go as planned. lol

My girlies aren't 21 [major bummer!] and the guard was NOT having it. I mean, we of course tested his gangta but that was the ONLY fail. lol

...Can't say that the night was a bore though - I spent it in the city w. my loves until it was time to go home.

Story behind the get-up: HEADACHE! ...I've never in my life spent soo much time trying to find something to wear. Friday, I woke up early - got my check and immediately hit the stores [This had to be about 12]. That day I went into Urban Outfitters and Zara's about 3 times, no lie. I didn't want anything extravagant, just something cute and cool. I figured I couldn't win with those two - yet I was losing alll day. I wound up buying a pair of white jeans which looked amazing on me but it was right for the affair. Honestly, that get up looked FORCED. I couldn't. ...so I didn't. I got up Saturday at around 9, did my nails and can you believe once I returned everything and went to look again - I found my fit in less than 20 min. I was iiin and ooout! Elated? ..uhh yeaah!

It was soo funny because before I left - I had on a salmon colored tank and I looked at it and said "I wanna wear this color". I didn't see that color allll day Friday, yet when I walked in the store, that was the first thing I found. I bought a linen skirt and a slinky top, both salmon. The skirt's top was was folded over - that wasn't working for me - so I unfolded the top and let it sit beneath the boob area [making it look like a one piece] - smoothly combining the textures. .Shoes - Zara's and necklace is from Urban Outfitters.

fun times :)

-xoxo

Rain Drops <3

As I'm writing this, I am enjoying the tranquil beat of the rain against my window sill.

..lol, some folk turn their televisions down or off out of fear [we did this downsouth] but I've turned mine down to avoid disturbance. I loove the sound of the rain & I enjoy watching it. It gives me peace - relaxes my mind - provokes many thoughts - lights and puts out my fire.

-xoxo

Did You Ever Love Me - Deborah Cox

When I first heard this song, I was watching Music Choice's R&B Soul.

I saw her name and I thought "what?!" - It's been so long, I really didn't know what to expect.

I love this! && it is honestly one of my favorite songs right now.

I'm sure we can all relate to the words in this song.

There was a point where I felt this way, I was posing the same question and desperatly seeking an answer. ..I'd like to say that I'm stuck w. a blurred question mark, simply because - I've never heard the words but I swear the actions said alot.

..sigh..

[shaking it off] That's another post!

..let me know what yout think..

-xoxo

Cover's Face..

Lol, have you ever done something and, after analyzing it, felt soo FOOLISH?!

..I can't!

I caught myself thinking of yesterday's events and thinking "wtf ma!" lol

It keeps replaying in my head, causing me to laugh, because I can't do shxt else lol - It happened.

[roll eyes]

-xoxo

Curiosity Will Damn Sure Kill the Cat!

&& I'm not one to dabble!

However, I've always wondered about this game.

Whenever I bring it up to anyone, I hear THE WORST stories and it bugs me out seeing as though there were commercials advertising it and everything. It looked fun when I first saw it as a kid but as I've grown up - I've realized, this is not a game at all.

One story that really stuck out was one told to me by my aunt. One day, I asked if she'd ever played and with much drama she said yea. She told me that it's "not a joke" and that it got out of hand when the other kids began asking questions like - "is there a spirt here?" and "who do you want?"

now what I don't understand is, when the little thing moves and lands on yes - wth are you prepared to do? lol - all convo would surely end there. I would be forced to take my behind home and pick up a barbie doll like I had some sense - & play smart.

but anyway... according to her, once the question "who do you want?" was posed - it began to spell out the name of one of the girls. ...THEN they ran lol. [fools]

I recently asked my mother if she ever played and you guys should have seen how serious she became. Her response: "NO! and I don't want you playing it either". [chile - you didn't even have to tell me once!]

...Idk where all of this paranormal talk came from - I think it's the rain lol but taking it alittle further - has any of you ever seen a spirit?

NO LIES/TALES - I HAVE!

&& I tell this story often. It doesn't scare me now and weirdly enough, it didn't scare me then but when I was about 8, maybe a little younger, I woke up in the middle of the night as I always did and saw someone [it was black - no face - idk - but it was def a person] go into my bathroom, close the door, flush the toilet and leave out. I then heard my front door close.

Now, I know it sounds sketchy but the next morning, I woke up and I asked my mother if her bf at the time was in the house - she said no. "No" made absolutely no sense to me seeing as though I know for sure that I saw and heard someone in the house. ...I told her the story and we both saw that the door was locked - he had no key, so someone HAD to lock the door - it wasnt me and it def. wasn't her.

SO WHO?!

...okay - I'm spooked out lol but I know I'm not bugging.

If you have any stories - do share.

-xoxo

..::Food for Thought::..

Success is not measured by what you do compared to what others do, it is measured by what you do with the ability God gave you.

-Zig Ziglar

** There will always be people doing what you're doing, therefore making life seem like a competition because one will always want to be better. & that's cool - but how can you be #1 if your focus is not on the task but on your opponent. The best competition is the one that you have w. yourself. Challenge your current strength to grow stronger. Challenge your intellect to be smarter. Challenge your love to love harder. & before you know it - you'll have received the fruits of your labor.

-Tierra :)

-xoxo

Squaw Beaded Booties :)

I am in all kinds of LOVE w. these moccasins!

I have a fuscia pair [knee length] by Minnetonka - I plan to sell them to Beacon's Closet or one of it's sister stores. They're in great condition but I'm over them and since I'll need a pair for this coming FALL - I don't see why these babies shouldn't make their way into my closet.

They're so vibrant and the beading adds necessary jazz.

..GIMME GIMME GIMME!!!

-xoxo

..::Food for Thought::..

-s.o. to Malika for this one.

This is definitely something for us to keep in mind!

-xoxo

..::<3::..

"Nothing gives a person so much advantage over another as to remain always cool and unruffled under all circumstances."

-Thomas Jefferson

-xoxo

..::BeautiLicious::..

Today's focus: Lips!

I can't speak for everyone but I know that often times I don't pay as much attention to my lips as I should.

Of course I apply moisturizer before going out - but they've gone weeks w.o. exfoliation.

NO BUENO!

Just as our skin needs daily exfoliation, primarily for the removal of dead skin cells - Do keep in mind that your lips need the same exact treatment. ..Especially seeing as though it is seen by EVERYONE that you come in contact with. [I always look at a person's lips - so the nerve of me for putting this off] lol.

How does one know when exfoliation is needed?

Well for one, your lip gloss won't last as long as it usually does. The dead skin - which will more than likely be dry is sucking up all of the moisture.

The Trick?!

Pour a little bit of sugar into your hand - Grab your tooth brush, wet it and coat the bristles w. sugar. Once you've done this, gently scrub both lips w. the sugar.

After you've used up all of the sugar, rinse your brush and then add toothpaste as if you were going to brush your teeth - of course instead of your teeth - you're going to brush your lips.

BRUSH GENTLY!!

The dead skin will soften and tear and if you brush too hard the fresh layer underneath will tear and your lips will be sore. [speaking from experience]

Once you're done scrubbing - rinse and pat dry.

You will definitely notice and feel the difference.

Apply Gloss and Go! :-*

-xoxo

..::iStyle::..

iSTYLE by Ti.Erra featuring J Brand jeans

-xoxo