As of today, this blog is NO MORE. :(
Ive had my fun with it and have decided to go with something a little more clean and career focused.
I've shared alot here, so I wont delete it, feel free to read past posts!!
Just make sure to hit up eRRaofaRRe - my new blog and get aquainted!!!
xoxo
10.15.2009
Blessing in Disguise.
God works in crazy ways, don't you think?
I recently received a comment on a blog post from a new follower and decided to check out her blog. ...While there, I read a post which pertained to her feelings toward not having her father at in her life, something that I too struggle with at times. She mentioned that she's often jealous when she sees the relationship that Rev Run has with his girls Angela and Vanessa and again, I can relate. I'd see them on Run's House or Daddy's Girls and I live through them vicariously. One would think that'd I'd do so because they're pretty, fashionable, young girls, living THE LIFE. ....but one would be wrong. Those all things that I am, to someone who doesn't have what I have, but at the end of the day, no matter how old or successful I am, I will always be a father-less child. :shrug:
When I was a little girl, he and I had the best relationship. Though still irresponsible, he was my daddy and no one could compete with him. I had a heavy Christmass and Birthdays because of my mom, aunts and uncles and of course grandparents. Never due to him. ...but he was my daddy and NOTHING could compete with that. We'd sit in his room and I'd watch him play the game [w.e. system he had] or he'd record me rapping [I had a rap about Barney that he recorded and played for everyone who'd listen] we had laughs and I loved him and for a looong time nothing could compete, with that. ...but I grew up, and I realized, I am not my father's priority. He wasn't consistent with me, he didn't go hard for me, going hard for me is what my mother does. I know no one in this world who'd do for me, what my mother has and will continue to do as long as I need her and THAT, is a lot to compete with.
but anyway...
after reading her post, I left her with a few words....
"Don't be sad baby girl. I'm in the same position, and though I'm no longer a teen, I'm still dealing with it as a 20 something. It hurts like hell, I won't front, I'm often jealous as well but we have to look for strength and embrace it. ...It may sound crazy but my father figure is in fact Jay-Z. I'm not obsessed with this guy or anything, and the relationship that we have is definitely one formed by our souls. He doesn't know me and I only know half of him but he's the closest male to me, though he he isn't close at all. Jay-Z's a hard worker, a brooklyn native [Like myself] he didn't have the best relationship w his dad and neither do I. I listened to his lyrics and I allowed them to teach me about relationships and life. The lessons are very vague but at the same time they speak volumes. With all do respect to the man who made me, I love and will always love Jay more. My father created me but whats a project without embellishments. My embellishments came from Jay. Not all, but I took alot from him. ...Its deep shit and I can't get into it all but I dont want you to be sad, nor do I want you to suppress your feelings. I just want you to know that you're young and you have a great life ahead of you. Find a man, whether it be Rev Run or whoever you idolize and allow them to step in. Someone needs to be the rubric for what you look for in a guy and to simply give u the lessons that daddy's give. A man doesnt have to make you to be your dad. ...just as I dont have to know you to be your friend. :)...this post touched me."
People will never understand my relationship with Jay and I don't expect them too. It goes beyond my own understanding.
...but she felt me, and she said:
"you have given me something no one else has..you are able to relate. i've had friends for ten years and they will never understand the pain i feel, but you, someone who doesnt know me from jump street, has made me feel comfortable and like i can say anything to, you are officially a friend, xoxox"
...and Ive come to conclude that...
although God may work in ways we don't understand, he always has a purpose!
xoxo
I recently received a comment on a blog post from a new follower and decided to check out her blog. ...While there, I read a post which pertained to her feelings toward not having her father at in her life, something that I too struggle with at times. She mentioned that she's often jealous when she sees the relationship that Rev Run has with his girls Angela and Vanessa and again, I can relate. I'd see them on Run's House or Daddy's Girls and I live through them vicariously. One would think that'd I'd do so because they're pretty, fashionable, young girls, living THE LIFE. ....but one would be wrong. Those all things that I am, to someone who doesn't have what I have, but at the end of the day, no matter how old or successful I am, I will always be a father-less child. :shrug:
When I was a little girl, he and I had the best relationship. Though still irresponsible, he was my daddy and no one could compete with him. I had a heavy Christmass and Birthdays because of my mom, aunts and uncles and of course grandparents. Never due to him. ...but he was my daddy and NOTHING could compete with that. We'd sit in his room and I'd watch him play the game [w.e. system he had] or he'd record me rapping [I had a rap about Barney that he recorded and played for everyone who'd listen] we had laughs and I loved him and for a looong time nothing could compete, with that. ...but I grew up, and I realized, I am not my father's priority. He wasn't consistent with me, he didn't go hard for me, going hard for me is what my mother does. I know no one in this world who'd do for me, what my mother has and will continue to do as long as I need her and THAT, is a lot to compete with.
but anyway...
after reading her post, I left her with a few words....
"Don't be sad baby girl. I'm in the same position, and though I'm no longer a teen, I'm still dealing with it as a 20 something. It hurts like hell, I won't front, I'm often jealous as well but we have to look for strength and embrace it. ...It may sound crazy but my father figure is in fact Jay-Z. I'm not obsessed with this guy or anything, and the relationship that we have is definitely one formed by our souls. He doesn't know me and I only know half of him but he's the closest male to me, though he he isn't close at all. Jay-Z's a hard worker, a brooklyn native [Like myself] he didn't have the best relationship w his dad and neither do I. I listened to his lyrics and I allowed them to teach me about relationships and life. The lessons are very vague but at the same time they speak volumes. With all do respect to the man who made me, I love and will always love Jay more. My father created me but whats a project without embellishments. My embellishments came from Jay. Not all, but I took alot from him. ...Its deep shit and I can't get into it all but I dont want you to be sad, nor do I want you to suppress your feelings. I just want you to know that you're young and you have a great life ahead of you. Find a man, whether it be Rev Run or whoever you idolize and allow them to step in. Someone needs to be the rubric for what you look for in a guy and to simply give u the lessons that daddy's give. A man doesnt have to make you to be your dad. ...just as I dont have to know you to be your friend. :)...this post touched me."
People will never understand my relationship with Jay and I don't expect them too. It goes beyond my own understanding.
...but she felt me, and she said:
"you have given me something no one else has..you are able to relate. i've had friends for ten years and they will never understand the pain i feel, but you, someone who doesnt know me from jump street, has made me feel comfortable and like i can say anything to, you are officially a friend, xoxox"
...and Ive come to conclude that...
although God may work in ways we don't understand, he always has a purpose!
xoxo
10.13.2009
10.10.2009
CHEAP AND CHIC!
This belt was actually my mommy's belt. She's over it now but she wore it often when I was a little teacup.
... It's one of my fav's.
xoxo
10.09.2009
This Girl Is L I V I N G!
& I LOVE HER!
..There wasn't much going on in the video. I mean, nothing out of the norm for your average photo shoot and as I watched, several thoughts ran through my mind. ..1 being a random thought of Jay-Z. 2 being "this girl is a youngin, doing her THING!" ..and though it isn't as if she's the youngest to ever do it, she's one of my biggest inspirations, I live through her if no one else.
I want that star studded life. I'll take her position behind the camera or the position of her stylist, which I am very eager to become.
As long as there's a Rih-Rih, there's a dream. lol
She motivates me tremendously.
xoxo
10.08.2009
How I Do Not Define Myself
I typed "defining myself" in Google's search engine and this is what popped up. It's a blog entry from Psychscribe and to me, it speaks volumes. I write, I dress, I love Jay-Z, I sit in my room for hours with my television off [radio playin occassionally] before I actually decide to step out and co-exist. ...but does this define who I am? To me, it's merely a description. I am comprised of many things, most of which aren't visible to the naked eye. ...so how does one define who they are? ...is it possible to place a definition on humans [eclectic beings].
If a prostitute thinks about sex all day and virgin does the same, are they the same?
...How are we to distinguish a definition from a description?
__________________________________________________
So how do we define ourselves? I posted that question when I started this blog. I asked if it was by our roles, our relationships, our work… I didn’t get many responses and I can see why – that’s not exactly an easy answer! Sounds like it ought to be the topic of a term paper. So I think its only fair to muse a bit on this myself…
When I was a child, of course it was by relationship. I was a daughter. An extension of my mother and father and my wonderful extended family. I was also an avid reader and writer from the first day I learned to sound out my phonics. Later I became a friend, a wife, a mother, and a Christian. And those relational definitions of myself satisfied me for many years. But then depression crept in like a cold dark fog, and with it a long, long search for my own identity. I wanted a definition of myself created by myself, not one that I had blindly accepted from my culture. I began to feel that those roles did not define me…they described me.
So then I went through a phase of believing you are what you do. I mean I really did believe that. I went back to school , pregnant with my second child, and I was also a student. And that satisfied me for a while. I felt a lot better about myself, because I am an intelligent person and I liked that label. I defined myself as a learner. I also had to read and write a lot, which was what I’d had a passion for from the age of six.
But sooner or later, I had to graduate. And off I went into my occupation, degree in hand, a “professional”. Now I know who I am, I thought. When the buzz died I continued, and continue, to take more postgraduate training. And I still get that buzz from learning. The only thing is….I’ve also learned that my occupation does not define me either. I am not what I do. True, the occupation I’ve chosen says some things about the kind of person I am, but it doesn’t define me.
All I know for sure is that I am a wife, a mother, a friend, a therapist, a learner, a writer, an artist, a soul searcher, and a Christian. But none of those define me. How can they? Isn’t the human soul greater than the sum of its parts?
______________________________________________________________
....Food for Thought
xoxo
If a prostitute thinks about sex all day and virgin does the same, are they the same?
...How are we to distinguish a definition from a description?
__________________________________________________
So how do we define ourselves? I posted that question when I started this blog. I asked if it was by our roles, our relationships, our work… I didn’t get many responses and I can see why – that’s not exactly an easy answer! Sounds like it ought to be the topic of a term paper. So I think its only fair to muse a bit on this myself…
When I was a child, of course it was by relationship. I was a daughter. An extension of my mother and father and my wonderful extended family. I was also an avid reader and writer from the first day I learned to sound out my phonics. Later I became a friend, a wife, a mother, and a Christian. And those relational definitions of myself satisfied me for many years. But then depression crept in like a cold dark fog, and with it a long, long search for my own identity. I wanted a definition of myself created by myself, not one that I had blindly accepted from my culture. I began to feel that those roles did not define me…they described me.
So then I went through a phase of believing you are what you do. I mean I really did believe that. I went back to school , pregnant with my second child, and I was also a student. And that satisfied me for a while. I felt a lot better about myself, because I am an intelligent person and I liked that label. I defined myself as a learner. I also had to read and write a lot, which was what I’d had a passion for from the age of six.
But sooner or later, I had to graduate. And off I went into my occupation, degree in hand, a “professional”. Now I know who I am, I thought. When the buzz died I continued, and continue, to take more postgraduate training. And I still get that buzz from learning. The only thing is….I’ve also learned that my occupation does not define me either. I am not what I do. True, the occupation I’ve chosen says some things about the kind of person I am, but it doesn’t define me.
All I know for sure is that I am a wife, a mother, a friend, a therapist, a learner, a writer, an artist, a soul searcher, and a Christian. But none of those define me. How can they? Isn’t the human soul greater than the sum of its parts?
______________________________________________________________
....Food for Thought
xoxo
10.07.2009
...I found this quote on one of the many blogs that I live to read. P I E C E S , written by Peggy M. is definitely something worth checking out. For some reason when I read her pieces, I feel a sense of mental clarity. I'm not a daily reader but I always catch up and it seems as if she's always on time with the right words, photo's or quotes.xoxo
..::Look of the Day::..
It's been a while since I've done a "Look of the Day" post. & I guess you can tax that to a lack of inspiration. I see alot of cute fits but nothing ground-breaking - I'm rarely moved.
However...
Today is a different story.
I usually look to celebs when it comes to this segment, forgetting that I happen to be familiar with very fashion savvy guys and girls.
Kaysy Gotay is one of many.
When fashionista prowling, I'm looking for someone who delivers consistently. I also think it's important to exude effortless style and when perusing through Kaysy's photos that's exactly what I got.
I can't necessarily categorize her style, but if I had to describe it, Id say it's inventively chic.
We all have a source of inspiration when it comes to fashion or whatever it is that we do. The key is to mold whatever it is that we take from that inspiration and make it our own. She gets that.
XOXO
10.06.2009
"I lit-er-ally Die!"
...in my best Rachel Zoe voice.
...the shoes?! ...KILLER!
..Givenchy by Ricardo Tisci
XOXO
10.04.2009
Honey Mag: SoloandTheCity!
I think I like her a little more than her sis.
I looove me some Bey but Solo has such a sharp edge to her that just makes you want to be her friend.
I was following her on Twitter at one time and it really helped me to get to know her more, she seems cool. & if you're wondering why I'm no longer following her, I stopped because I noticed there weren't alot of tweets coming from her at one point and like I do with almost anyone that I don't REALLY know ....I deleted her. ;-\ ...still luv tho.
...About her hair: I can't front, when I first saw her, I was like "WHAT THE HELL, SOLO!" It came out of nowhere and the first person to pop in my head was Amber Rose. (-_- ...but I didn't necessarily think she made a poor choice, because at the end of the day, it looked pretty on her. I'm just happy that she's secure enough with herself to tell the media "Fuck You, signed Sincerely" ...(her voice)
Italian Vogue Pelle
...I've never really had a thing for leopard but they make it look sooo sweet!
xoxo
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