CHEAP AND CHIC!

This belt was actually my mommy's belt. She's over it now but she wore it often when I was a little teacup.

... It's one of my fav's.

xoxo

It's hella early right now, but I went to bed at about 7pm so I am of course, well rested!

I was just laying in my bed thinking about life. Today, while on the train, I played Brick Breaker on my Berry and at one point I had a good 5 lives (you start off with 3) and I realized the difference in how I cared for my lives when I had 5 and when I was left with 1. Of course, whenever you're down to your last life you play with such caution, you're more focused than ever and can probably make it to three more levels w that one life, yet you can lose 3 with no problem on one level alone when you have 5.

When you think about that there's nothing too deep about it until you apply it to life in the real world.

We are not given 5.3 or even 2 lives but instead 1 great one! Many of us are lucky enough to start off healthy and because we have no worries, we abuse our life, we take it for granted.

I do not smoke, I barely drink yet I have not been getting a good night's sleep during the days of last week. My appetite was poor and Because of this and I think stressing over my body's change, I had to go to the hospital for heart palpitations and breathlessness.

After meeting with the doctor, I found out that my potassium was low as well as my white blood cells but not drastically. Now, that's fixed, yet something else (body wise) seems to be aggrivating me (that'll keep to myself).

My point is, I've never paid attn to how I slept or what I ate, I just ate! Now, I want to eat healthier, sleep more. I heard exercising fights off infections and can produce white blood cells, I want to exercise more. Although its good to want to do great things for your body, its horrible that something bad has to happen before we do so. It's not the case for all but it is the case for many.

I was scared out of mind, about possibly losing my life. I did not know what was going on but I have faith, I'm mobile, I'm breathing well and I'm treating myself better.

You do the same!

-xorxor

I don't wanna leave - but I gotta go - RIGHT NOW!

This post was inspired by a recent post regarding the words of the Holstee bros. 'Twas a post on life - && I have to say, I had a long talk w. myself today and I've concluded that it is a MUST that I leave the nest. I am honestly sold on that idea and have been thinking of ways to leave SOON! - like RIGHT NOW.

I feel trapped in this place. I'm more comfortable than I should be and although it may sound good - I'm positive that it's stunting my growth. It's just me and mommy and I feel, as I've always felt, like everything is OK because mommy is here. When things get crazy - she gets crazy. & though I love that she has my back 100% - I need for her to take a Save the Day vacation or else I'll never really learn any of life's lessons.

I'm 22. When I mapped out my life some years back - I said that I DID NOT want to be living at home. Life is too easy here. ...I never thought I would be saying this but, I need to know what it feels like to have no one to turn to. Only then will I truly be independent.

Last year, around this time, me and my mom got into it about school and I was forced to stay w. my grandmother. The beef lasted for about a week or two but I had a better mindset then and I owe it to the fact that I never expect anyone to do anything for me except my mother - kinda had me on my toes [I looved that!]. I did for myself and it felt good - I don't like the sheltered feeling.

I want out of my mama's house - before 2010.

-xoxo

Words of Affirmation

You see this?

That there is mine!

Name's Benny. - Benny the Benzo.

I've been watching Benny for a while - fell in love the first time I peeped him in Jay-Z's video for "izzo". ..Not because Hovi stunted in it - that just makes it better lol.

As of late - Ive been spotting this ride alll over the city streets - I think that's a sign.

sign:

Benny be wanting me - He know I want em back! :) ("Always Strapped" harmony)

so..we're gonna get together sooner than later and I'll come show him off.

He's already mine - He's just not here yet.

...I'll wait.

-xoxo

S.O. to the Beautician from Hell!

smh.

I swear, the beginning of yesterday was the absolute WORST!

The night before - I decided to take out my Long Hurr Don't Curr - and go back to my short do.

I de-weaved, and washed it [knowing damn well I shouldve permed it] - only to wake up and have to perm it anyway because there was NO WAY I could get an even cut with the new growth that I had. I mean, it wasn't ridiculous but still - cuts are to be precise - no shakey shxt.

hmph!

After perming it and burning half of my scalp off - I noticed hella hang time, which didn't surprise me much because my hair grows pretty quick - but I finally had the amount of hair in my bang that I wanted for a specific cut - so after drying it - I stepped out to let my beautician do the damn thang.

BOMB DROPS!

Can you believe I got to the salon that I usually go to and the shxt was closed?! && I couldve sworn I heard something about it going out of business - so when I saw the gates down at like 12pm - I thought it was official. However, I still needed my hair done so I took a risk and went to a lady that works in a shop like a block away.

THE DUMB SHIT.

I went inside of her shop which wasn't too welcoming from the gate but shxt my attitude is tattooed anyway so I aint trip. I asked her if she took walk-ins, she replied "yes" - I showed her a pic of what I wanted - which was a pic of Rihanna's new do - she responds "ooh ok - the rihanna! - ok" - mama said that as if she personally does shorty's hair. I was under the belief that she was finna rock out.

...So I sat in her chair - berry in hand - can't really see myself in the mirror but Im always alert whenever my hair and scissors are involved. She started cutting and it didn't feel too crazy - I knew she was gonna shave the back and I distinctly told her "DO NOT CUT THE FRONT" - I wanted alll the length that I had in the front - she agrees - YET when she's finished and I get a chance to see what she's done - My shxt is a Catastrophe -I have a Completely different hairstyle.

PISSED?!

Oh I was more than pissed. Angry was literally no way to describe the way my blood boiled. I texted my mom to vent and then I got my shxt and bounced. She didn't get a chance to style it - she just gave me a cut - I told her "Im just gonna leave"- I mean shit, this is not what I asked for - why stay and have her style it - to pay for something that Im not happy about?! - so I threw on my beanie and went on about my business - left them standing there w. the stupid face.

..&& then I saw that my original salon was OPEN!!!! - sick!..

Mom came and scooped me - took me to a Beauty Supply store and I purchased some goodies - one being, my ultra tiny curler - so that I could jazz it up - and that's exactly what I did.

I went from wanting to cry my eyes out to just thanking God that I got what I got - She couldve really done me dirty - and it's not even that it's ugly - because it isn't- the shape of the cut is cool but I'm not w. all that extra funky stuff - especially if I didn't ask for it. As a client - I expect you to do your very best to please me - seeing as tho you're job depends on My Money!! smh.

..what a day!!

-xoxo

Flicks fr.. Tenjune :)

we had a BL-I-DAST!!!

-XOXO

&& a Happy Memorial Day it was :)

One would think [well.. I would think] - coming in the night b4 at 4am from party harty'n w. the girlies @ Tenjune -I'd be beat for days. ...I couldn't have been more wrong.

I had a blast at Tenjune [the new spot since they od'd on Hovi - for me ~..~] but I must say, yesterday's events put the cherry on my Monday.

The initial plan was to rise and shine - go to Beacon's to dispose of unwanted clothes and head to Swanks house - EARLY. However, being the procrastinator that I am, the early part, never went down. ..but what matters most is that I got there. [lol]

&& thank God I did cuz homegirl made salmon, pasta and some bomb a** chicken - all of which i devoured. =)

...Post Din - Swanks, Ackiel and myself proceeded to a very cute cookout = chill time.

we laughed, we sipped [very light] and we bounced ..but we had fun =)

..Cheers to the whole weekend and the many 'fun times' to come.. Stay Tuned.

-xoxo

When in Rome, do like... Nike??

Idk but, I often wonder if the preservation of one's virginity has become overrated.

I've been in this box for 22 yrs, w. no real purpose of maxin' in it besides the fact that I've yet to find anyone who can REV up my sexual engines and most importantly RE-effin'-SPECT me at the same time.

I often find, or assume [doubt I'm assuming tho] that the few dudes that Ive wanted to get dirty w. have all had a one track mind. ...> "SNACKS!" Through deep observation of each of my fella's actions, I've been led to believe that they were merely out for their milk and nookie - which is uhh...WACK! and the greatest turn off of all.

...&& while we're on the subject of turn-off's ...I'm usually always turned the heck off. I mean, I'll feel the lil sensation below the belt [my belt] and we'll be good but true to life, one false move and I'm done for days!!

Tip: I'm big on pleasing. I loove to see you squirm from a touch or w.e. you guys do when you like something, it is SUCH a turn on. ...but above all else TAKE YOUR TIME [for obvious reasons]. I mean, if the pearly gates were open, then all that off the hook ish would be okay every now and then but you will under no circumstances murder me in an attempt to satisfy your lil willy. [mm..mm. not gon' happen...Never! ~ new-new voice] - I need to know that you're not out for yourself [[chicks get paid for you to be selfish...if that's how you're living - put food on her table]].

but umm...

I kind of, almost, sort of think that I'm sexually self-destructive [lmao]. Being as tho I'm all V'd up, I do think deep while in the mood because it's a 1st time experience. You don't know what's gonna happen next. I'm tryna think 'mmm' but I wind up thinking 'ouch', which confirms the saying, "what you think is what you do". When I'm self-pleas'n, it's soo quick and fun and slightly explosive. ..one of those [go back for 5ths type feelings] and I'm sure it's because I'm more relaxed and focused on the pleasureable reward. [sigh]

..may need to do a tutorial..

Keeping it Funky: I want IT! [that good good]. && I want it soon. ...but will wait for necessary reasons.

I won't lower my standards of wanting such and such before I allow it to happen. I mean shit, I still want to be able to say I lost it to "..." and be okay w. it. Death to regrets!!

-loveLee

Riddle Me This...

I had a conversation the other night about a dude meeting my mother and I was wondering how you guys handle these situations.

With me, if we're not serious, there's no meet and greet - prd!

My Logic: I don't have a problem introducing ppl to my old lady, letting you get to know the fam etc. - I simply don't see the point if I know for sure that the odds of you being a long-term figure in my life are slim. ..Some may question "why'd you even wanna deal w. a person knowing that what you guys have isn't solid?" ..well sometimes you're not looking for solidity. Maybe you are, but just not w. that person.

I've had a situation where I began to look into a particular 'he', I mean I wanted to give it a try, I did and later found out that I liked nothing more than the thrill of what we had. There was no real emotional attachment, we're cool when we're together, whenever we're together but besides that- I could go eons w.o. speaking to him, I just didn't have that connection so, all that talk about meeting mommy ..dead! [coffin].

..but I was just sitting here in deep thought, wondering, what it is that my girlies/guys do when their other "something" begins to inquire about being more in the mix. [???]

..I honestly don't even think duke really and truly wanted to meet the mom, his motives got more shake than Harlem. ...but thats another blog.

-loveLee!