back at it again...

I'm sitting here thinking "today may actually be the day". I a feel a sense of growth everyday [emotionally speaking] and today just might be the day when I meet the height requirement to move on.

No, I am not in a relationship.

I'd like to think that I was in a glass box. ..Box, because I felt stuck. ..Glass, because there was no way of hiding how I felt while in this mix. I will admit, I was CONFUSED as hell. For almost a yr and a half I've been seeking answers. Actions told me things that words weren't telling me. I couldn't understand that though. We'd talk about everything else and because the words were never spoken - I began to question the actions. ...Then I didn't know what to do because the actions were so DEEP. I would like to think that the things that were done - weren't done to all 'friends'. && I don't mean sexual things, just intimate things.

I love this person. && I find it odd that I can just come out and say that because I was never able to just come out and say something soo strong - with such ease. I wasn't able to do this until I realized I was hit w. the confusion stick. I questioned how he felt and never really took into acct whether or not he questioned how I felt. I knew I was showing love but just as I wanted the words I figured that he might as well. It was then that became the spokesperson for my heart. I told him and I told him and I showed him and I tried on numerous occassions to ignore him [itd last a while - but never forever] Ive been on missions to forget him, only to return back to the memories. I cried a few times, out of frustration, pain, for closure.

...I can't even get into this the way I want to. smh.

bottom line is - I am not a perfect individual and neither is he. Two negatives equal a positive. ..making him perfect for me. [that's who I want. ...but this push/pull ish that's transpiring - I can't do it. I feel like I've given alot for this fight. I've exposed my inner self more than ever and I don't get anything in return. I'd respect a douche a little more because he'd str8 say what it is. The only one who can protect my feelings is God so I'd like to be spared the bs. If it's gonna hurt, I'd rather hurt than to feel absolutely nothing. That's ridiculous. ...but I guess that's life.

..hence the movement.

-xoxo

Fashion File: Anja Rubik

July '08

..I think she's soo dope!

-xoxo

PoeticLee

Love is a battlefield
but I don't need an army, crew, or a squad behind me.

I'm in love w. our memories
yet I never want to see the day where you're forced to remember me
together we should be
forever
possibly 'til the end of me
the end of Lee [insert your last name here].


lol ...just saying.

-xoxo

randomLee speaking...

Lately I've been having this crazy pain in the back of my mouth. It feels as if my wisdom tooth is pushing out more, sort of looks that way as well, but bump all of that - when it's ready - It hurts like HELL.

When it first started, I didn't know what to do. I was delirious. I did the salt water rinse [blah], I did the milk gargle [blah], Aleve was trash and Advil pretty much saved my life. [Advil has ibuprofen - Aleve has some other profen lol and it was NOT working.]

Though the salt water rinse did a little something, I gave it up for Peroxyl [anticeptic] - It's great for cleaning the gums. At first I was using both the Peroxyl and the Advil until I decided to try my Tazo Ginger Tea. I only drank that because my throat felt a bit sore and that pain was gone INSTANTLY [sort of bugged me out]. After I drank the first cup, I noticed that I didn't feel anything back there anymore. [relieved and perplexed]

....The secret behind the tea. - I thought it was the warmth that my poor little tooth was loving, but apparently it was the ginger that went to work! Who knew that it was helpful in preventing antherosclerosis, heart attacks, strokes and apparently has pain relieving, sedative, fever reduction and antibacterial effects. [GET OUTAH TOWN!]

...SO! ..I'm drinking this stuff EVeryDay! [do put emphasis on the EV] because it also contains many antioxidants - and if you aren't aware...antioxidants are great for the heart and skin!

..k, bye now. :)

-xoxo

This was Yesterday...

The plan was to attend Havana Central, however that didn't quite go as planned. lol

My girlies aren't 21 [major bummer!] and the guard was NOT having it. I mean, we of course tested his gangta but that was the ONLY fail. lol

...Can't say that the night was a bore though - I spent it in the city w. my loves until it was time to go home.

Story behind the get-up: HEADACHE! ...I've never in my life spent soo much time trying to find something to wear. Friday, I woke up early - got my check and immediately hit the stores [This had to be about 12]. That day I went into Urban Outfitters and Zara's about 3 times, no lie. I didn't want anything extravagant, just something cute and cool. I figured I couldn't win with those two - yet I was losing alll day. I wound up buying a pair of white jeans which looked amazing on me but it was right for the affair. Honestly, that get up looked FORCED. I couldn't. ...so I didn't. I got up Saturday at around 9, did my nails and can you believe once I returned everything and went to look again - I found my fit in less than 20 min. I was iiin and ooout! Elated? ..uhh yeaah!

It was soo funny because before I left - I had on a salmon colored tank and I looked at it and said "I wanna wear this color". I didn't see that color allll day Friday, yet when I walked in the store, that was the first thing I found. I bought a linen skirt and a slinky top, both salmon. The skirt's top was was folded over - that wasn't working for me - so I unfolded the top and let it sit beneath the boob area [making it look like a one piece] - smoothly combining the textures. .Shoes - Zara's and necklace is from Urban Outfitters.

fun times :)

-xoxo

Rain Drops <3

As I'm writing this, I am enjoying the tranquil beat of the rain against my window sill.

..lol, some folk turn their televisions down or off out of fear [we did this downsouth] but I've turned mine down to avoid disturbance. I loove the sound of the rain & I enjoy watching it. It gives me peace - relaxes my mind - provokes many thoughts - lights and puts out my fire.

-xoxo

Did You Ever Love Me - Deborah Cox

When I first heard this song, I was watching Music Choice's R&B Soul.

I saw her name and I thought "what?!" - It's been so long, I really didn't know what to expect.

I love this! && it is honestly one of my favorite songs right now.

I'm sure we can all relate to the words in this song.

There was a point where I felt this way, I was posing the same question and desperatly seeking an answer. ..I'd like to say that I'm stuck w. a blurred question mark, simply because - I've never heard the words but I swear the actions said alot.

..sigh..

[shaking it off] That's another post!

..let me know what yout think..

-xoxo

Cover's Face..

Lol, have you ever done something and, after analyzing it, felt soo FOOLISH?!

..I can't!

I caught myself thinking of yesterday's events and thinking "wtf ma!" lol

It keeps replaying in my head, causing me to laugh, because I can't do shxt else lol - It happened.

[roll eyes]

-xoxo

Curiosity Will Damn Sure Kill the Cat!

&& I'm not one to dabble!

However, I've always wondered about this game.

Whenever I bring it up to anyone, I hear THE WORST stories and it bugs me out seeing as though there were commercials advertising it and everything. It looked fun when I first saw it as a kid but as I've grown up - I've realized, this is not a game at all.

One story that really stuck out was one told to me by my aunt. One day, I asked if she'd ever played and with much drama she said yea. She told me that it's "not a joke" and that it got out of hand when the other kids began asking questions like - "is there a spirt here?" and "who do you want?"

now what I don't understand is, when the little thing moves and lands on yes - wth are you prepared to do? lol - all convo would surely end there. I would be forced to take my behind home and pick up a barbie doll like I had some sense - & play smart.

but anyway... according to her, once the question "who do you want?" was posed - it began to spell out the name of one of the girls. ...THEN they ran lol. [fools]

I recently asked my mother if she ever played and you guys should have seen how serious she became. Her response: "NO! and I don't want you playing it either". [chile - you didn't even have to tell me once!]

...Idk where all of this paranormal talk came from - I think it's the rain lol but taking it alittle further - has any of you ever seen a spirit?

NO LIES/TALES - I HAVE!

&& I tell this story often. It doesn't scare me now and weirdly enough, it didn't scare me then but when I was about 8, maybe a little younger, I woke up in the middle of the night as I always did and saw someone [it was black - no face - idk - but it was def a person] go into my bathroom, close the door, flush the toilet and leave out. I then heard my front door close.

Now, I know it sounds sketchy but the next morning, I woke up and I asked my mother if her bf at the time was in the house - she said no. "No" made absolutely no sense to me seeing as though I know for sure that I saw and heard someone in the house. ...I told her the story and we both saw that the door was locked - he had no key, so someone HAD to lock the door - it wasnt me and it def. wasn't her.

SO WHO?!

...okay - I'm spooked out lol but I know I'm not bugging.

If you have any stories - do share.

-xoxo

..::Food for Thought::..

Success is not measured by what you do compared to what others do, it is measured by what you do with the ability God gave you.

-Zig Ziglar

** There will always be people doing what you're doing, therefore making life seem like a competition because one will always want to be better. & that's cool - but how can you be #1 if your focus is not on the task but on your opponent. The best competition is the one that you have w. yourself. Challenge your current strength to grow stronger. Challenge your intellect to be smarter. Challenge your love to love harder. & before you know it - you'll have received the fruits of your labor.

-Tierra :)

-xoxo

Squaw Beaded Booties :)

I am in all kinds of LOVE w. these moccasins!

I have a fuscia pair [knee length] by Minnetonka - I plan to sell them to Beacon's Closet or one of it's sister stores. They're in great condition but I'm over them and since I'll need a pair for this coming FALL - I don't see why these babies shouldn't make their way into my closet.

They're so vibrant and the beading adds necessary jazz.

..GIMME GIMME GIMME!!!

-xoxo

..::Food for Thought::..

-s.o. to Malika for this one.

This is definitely something for us to keep in mind!

-xoxo

..::<3::..

"Nothing gives a person so much advantage over another as to remain always cool and unruffled under all circumstances."

-Thomas Jefferson

-xoxo

..::BeautiLicious::..

Today's focus: Lips!

I can't speak for everyone but I know that often times I don't pay as much attention to my lips as I should.

Of course I apply moisturizer before going out - but they've gone weeks w.o. exfoliation.

NO BUENO!

Just as our skin needs daily exfoliation, primarily for the removal of dead skin cells - Do keep in mind that your lips need the same exact treatment. ..Especially seeing as though it is seen by EVERYONE that you come in contact with. [I always look at a person's lips - so the nerve of me for putting this off] lol.

How does one know when exfoliation is needed?

Well for one, your lip gloss won't last as long as it usually does. The dead skin - which will more than likely be dry is sucking up all of the moisture.

The Trick?!

Pour a little bit of sugar into your hand - Grab your tooth brush, wet it and coat the bristles w. sugar. Once you've done this, gently scrub both lips w. the sugar.

After you've used up all of the sugar, rinse your brush and then add toothpaste as if you were going to brush your teeth - of course instead of your teeth - you're going to brush your lips.

BRUSH GENTLY!!

The dead skin will soften and tear and if you brush too hard the fresh layer underneath will tear and your lips will be sore. [speaking from experience]

Once you're done scrubbing - rinse and pat dry.

You will definitely notice and feel the difference.

Apply Gloss and Go! :-*

-xoxo

..::iStyle::..

iSTYLE by Ti.Erra featuring J Brand jeans

-xoxo

The Carters <3

I absolutely love them. Him more than her - but she's worthy because she loves him and he's clearly smitten. :)

Looking at these pics reminded me of when I was younger. I would always say - "If Jay ever asked me what I wanted, I'd say a Rocafella chain" lol. && that's actually what I'd say to this day. My life's not horrible lol - I'm living pretty good. Why not ask for something that I couldn't and would probably never buy?!

so, Unc - if you're reading - I'd like my R to be pink! - Thanx :*

-xoxo

Click-Flash!

Curious as to how celebs manage to take great pics?!

Here are a few tips provided by Cosmopolitan.com and Davis Factor [celebrity fashion photographer] on how to take a smoking hot shot!

• First off, you want to Pay attention to lighting! Standing behind the sun or away from overhead lights will prevent shadows from appearing on your face, particularly underneath the eyes. ..And make sure to tilt your head just a smidgen to minimize any casts.
• Secondly, Stand Tall! [and look thin]. If you stand up straight and turn slightly to the side so that one shoulder is a bit closer to the camera, you'll appear taller and leaner. [that's always a plus - no?]

This next tip is great for us ladies w. height who have shorter friends :)

• More than likely when your picture is being taken by someone shorter than you - the lens will be below your eye level, therefore creating an extra chin :-\. To avoid this - simply project your chin out a lil more than you normally would.

Now, I have oily skin - which is both great and horrible lol.

• When it comes to taking pictures - Remember! you want to be glowy - NOT greasy. If you too have oily skin - applying a makeup primer under your foundation will keep your complexion matte. & this is great since the flash of the camera amplifies any shine that you have on your face.

And lastly...

• Widen your eyes and say Cheese! ...wide eyes [not bulging out of their sockets wide lol] are very attractive as well as a very natural, relaxed and bright smile. Practicing your smile in the mirror may sound a bit weird but it works. - you should see before we do, what works and what doesn't. lol.

I hope these are helpful :)

-xoxo

I don't wanna leave - but I gotta go - RIGHT NOW!

This post was inspired by a recent post regarding the words of the Holstee bros. 'Twas a post on life - && I have to say, I had a long talk w. myself today and I've concluded that it is a MUST that I leave the nest. I am honestly sold on that idea and have been thinking of ways to leave SOON! - like RIGHT NOW.

I feel trapped in this place. I'm more comfortable than I should be and although it may sound good - I'm positive that it's stunting my growth. It's just me and mommy and I feel, as I've always felt, like everything is OK because mommy is here. When things get crazy - she gets crazy. & though I love that she has my back 100% - I need for her to take a Save the Day vacation or else I'll never really learn any of life's lessons.

I'm 22. When I mapped out my life some years back - I said that I DID NOT want to be living at home. Life is too easy here. ...I never thought I would be saying this but, I need to know what it feels like to have no one to turn to. Only then will I truly be independent.

Last year, around this time, me and my mom got into it about school and I was forced to stay w. my grandmother. The beef lasted for about a week or two but I had a better mindset then and I owe it to the fact that I never expect anyone to do anything for me except my mother - kinda had me on my toes [I looved that!]. I did for myself and it felt good - I don't like the sheltered feeling.

I want out of my mama's house - before 2010.

-xoxo

..::iStyle::..

iSTYLE by Ti.Erra featuring Ralph Lauren accessories

-xoxo

..::iStyle::..

iSTYLE by Ti.Erra featuring Vivienne Westwood shoes

-xoxo

-xoxo

Fred glitter Lace-Ups :)

You can say I'm channeling my inner MJ if you want lol

These babies are BAD!

I know many of you may not see my vision at the moment - and that's understandable - these aren't a pair of candy that you just look at and say "MY GOD!!!" lol - You'd def. have to see the whole get up.

I want them! && If I get them - I promise to post the entire fit.

..Sending much looove to Christian Louboutin for making a fab shoe that doesn't have a freaking 5in. heel. [I SALUTE YOU!]

..hit?/miss?

-xoxo

..::iStyle::..

iSTYLE by Ti.Erra featuring Chanel earrings

-XOXO

No Comment!

I just want you to know that I love you.
Despite your absence.
Despite your missing love.

All I ever needed was a hug.

The things money can buy are nice, yea.
..but from you, money would never suffice.
or compare - to the priceless advice that would've and should've been given.
I shouldve been apart of your living - and you of my growing
or our growing
I held it in for so long but I owe to 'growth' , the reason why I'm showing how I feel
someone has to lead
& It doesn't matter who goes first
I'm moving w. hope that to my words, you'll take heed
Despite the abscense of physical action
Follow me verbally
believe me when I say, in regards to passion
our relationship means more to me than fashion
and that's something I've known all of my life
and all that I want to know - because it's what I love
but being Daddy's lil girl - is what I missed out on
and to get it back - I'd put it above everything if I had to.
I missed the days, I had you.

-xoxo

Ahhh ....One Day lol :)

-xoxo

Words from the brothers of Holstee

...Beyond Profound

This is your life. Do what you love, and do it often. If you don’t like something, change it. If you don’t like your job, quit. If you don’t have enough time, stop watching TV. If you are looking for the love of your life, stop; they will be waiting for you when you start doing things you love. Stop over-analyzing; life is simple. All emotions are beautiful. When you eat, appreciate every last bite. Travel often; getting lost will help you find yourself. Some opportunities only come once: seize them. Open your mind, arms, and heart to new things and people. We are united in our differences. Ask the next person you see what their passion is, and share your inspiring dream with them. Life is about the people you meet, and the things you create with them, so go out and start creating. Life is short. Live your dream, and wear your passion.

I'M ALL OVER THIS!! - WHO'S ROLLING?!

-xoxo

Words of Affirmation

You see this?

That there is mine!

Name's Benny. - Benny the Benzo.

I've been watching Benny for a while - fell in love the first time I peeped him in Jay-Z's video for "izzo". ..Not because Hovi stunted in it - that just makes it better lol.

As of late - Ive been spotting this ride alll over the city streets - I think that's a sign.

sign:

Benny be wanting me - He know I want em back! :) ("Always Strapped" harmony)

so..we're gonna get together sooner than later and I'll come show him off.

He's already mine - He's just not here yet.

...I'll wait.

-xoxo

Fly Shxt!

I was never too fond of this song - but the fashion in the video is hella sweet!

FAV FIT: Belted vest w. pulled back pony into a bun - sweeet!

...Share your Thoughts!

-xoxo

..::Stylista of the Day::..

I think it's quite horrible that I don't know her name but I must say - I LOVE HER STYLE!

In my world, she is the queen of DIY and effortless creations - I know no one who can distress and chain a pair of pants the way she has. ...I mean designers of course but I was introduced to her through her blog - I truly didn't expect much , yet I was blown by her creativity - and she never seize's to wow me.

The fit on the left - although very simple - is my absolute fav. - It's very basic - yet soo me.

Share your opinions.

-xoxo

S.O. to the Beautician from Hell!

smh.

I swear, the beginning of yesterday was the absolute WORST!

The night before - I decided to take out my Long Hurr Don't Curr - and go back to my short do.

I de-weaved, and washed it [knowing damn well I shouldve permed it] - only to wake up and have to perm it anyway because there was NO WAY I could get an even cut with the new growth that I had. I mean, it wasn't ridiculous but still - cuts are to be precise - no shakey shxt.

hmph!

After perming it and burning half of my scalp off - I noticed hella hang time, which didn't surprise me much because my hair grows pretty quick - but I finally had the amount of hair in my bang that I wanted for a specific cut - so after drying it - I stepped out to let my beautician do the damn thang.

BOMB DROPS!

Can you believe I got to the salon that I usually go to and the shxt was closed?! && I couldve sworn I heard something about it going out of business - so when I saw the gates down at like 12pm - I thought it was official. However, I still needed my hair done so I took a risk and went to a lady that works in a shop like a block away.

THE DUMB SHIT.

I went inside of her shop which wasn't too welcoming from the gate but shxt my attitude is tattooed anyway so I aint trip. I asked her if she took walk-ins, she replied "yes" - I showed her a pic of what I wanted - which was a pic of Rihanna's new do - she responds "ooh ok - the rihanna! - ok" - mama said that as if she personally does shorty's hair. I was under the belief that she was finna rock out.

...So I sat in her chair - berry in hand - can't really see myself in the mirror but Im always alert whenever my hair and scissors are involved. She started cutting and it didn't feel too crazy - I knew she was gonna shave the back and I distinctly told her "DO NOT CUT THE FRONT" - I wanted alll the length that I had in the front - she agrees - YET when she's finished and I get a chance to see what she's done - My shxt is a Catastrophe -I have a Completely different hairstyle.

PISSED?!

Oh I was more than pissed. Angry was literally no way to describe the way my blood boiled. I texted my mom to vent and then I got my shxt and bounced. She didn't get a chance to style it - she just gave me a cut - I told her "Im just gonna leave"- I mean shit, this is not what I asked for - why stay and have her style it - to pay for something that Im not happy about?! - so I threw on my beanie and went on about my business - left them standing there w. the stupid face.

..&& then I saw that my original salon was OPEN!!!! - sick!..

Mom came and scooped me - took me to a Beauty Supply store and I purchased some goodies - one being, my ultra tiny curler - so that I could jazz it up - and that's exactly what I did.

I went from wanting to cry my eyes out to just thanking God that I got what I got - She couldve really done me dirty - and it's not even that it's ugly - because it isn't- the shape of the cut is cool but I'm not w. all that extra funky stuff - especially if I didn't ask for it. As a client - I expect you to do your very best to please me - seeing as tho you're job depends on My Money!! smh.

..what a day!!

-xoxo